In its ongoing effort to expand market share, Apple has announced plans for a new hardware platform.  While most of the specifications have yet to be finalized, a press release from the company covered the basic intentions of the product line.

Since the invention of the personal computer in the mid 1980s, a major demographic has been completely ignored.  Our new systems will feature applications such as “stop walking on my lawn,” “how much better things were in the past,” and “ultra-realistic customer phone service simulator.”  Operating these devices will be even more intuitive than our line of award-winning iPads– all commands will be given in the form of yelling at an excessively loud volume.  World, get ready for the Granny Smith computer.