About Omar
Omar Lutfey has been running this website since 2000 (back when having your own website really meant something!). He is currently working as a delivery driver at United Parcel Service, promoting energy conservation on his website at BlackRemote.com, and trying to save the Boulder Kinetics race at BoulderKinetics.com.
Random Quips
- Wall Eyed:
October 20, 2003
China’s first man in space said the Earth looked beautiful from his orbiting capsule but he couldn’t find the Great Wall. “I tried to see it,” Yang Liwei told reporters, “but when I booked the flight I could only get an aisle seat. The gentleman next to the window closed the blind so he could take a nap.”
- Fries with that?:
December 16, 2002
Investors are not expecting good news when McDonald’s Corp. updates its earnings outlook on Tuesday. In an effort to increase profits, the world’s largest fast food establishment has announced plans to cut several high-profile employees and increase the number of items on the $1 value meal. Can anyone say “McGrimmace Burgers?”
- Speaking of Escher:
September 7, 2009
Now that I finished my Escher plan for my family room, I remembered a photograph I took back when I lived in a small apartment in Boulder, CO. I stood on my kitchen table and held the camera up to the reflective cover of the light hanging from the ceiling. The picture is a bit old because I have a whole lot of hair.
- Breaking new ground:
November 20, 2005
President Bush visited Mongolia Monday to cap off his multi-nation Asian tour. When asked how it felt to be the first sitting US President to visit the former communist nation, the Commander in Chief replied, “I thought we were stopping for lunch at a Mongolian BBQ place– I didn’t realize we were stopping at the actual country.”
- Jacked Up:
January 21, 2003
President Bush today reiterated that time is running out for Saddam Hussein. The Commander in Chief compared the situation to “a rerun of a bad movie and I’m not interested in watching.” The President summed up his speech by saying, “I want to watch a fun, new movie– preferably that one with the wacky computer-generated talking Kangaroo everyone is talking about.”
- Dough Boys:
July 1, 2003
In an effort to reduce obesity in the United States, Kraft Foods Inc, the nation’s largest food manufacturer, has announced plans to evaluate portion sizes and the nutritional content of all its products. A spokesperson for Kraft explained, “In the future, a bag of, say, Oreo cookies will be exactly the same size as before, but it will be considered 8000 individual servings.”
- Military Operations:
September 20, 2002
When questioned on the situation in the Middle East, former Vice President Dan Quayle responded, “Don’t you mean IRAQUE?”
- Flu’s Clues:
October 24, 2009
To help prevent the spread of the H1N1 virus, medical authorities in the United States are recommending the following precautions: get the flu shot once it becomes available, stay home from work if you are exhibiting flu-like symptoms, and, most importantly, avoid any impromptu “Hands Across America” events.
- Come on Homes:
May 2, 2010
I watched “Holmes on Homes” on HGTV last night. Mike Holmes travels to people’s houses to repair shady contractor projects gone awry. Now he can finally quit his part time job working security detail for that Dexy’s Midnight Runners tribute band. - Bursting at the seams:
November 7, 2002
Actor and director Kevin Costner recently underwent surgery to remove his appendix. In addition to being inflamed and irritated, the organ in question cited “artistic and personal differences” when it formally requested to be removed from Mr. Costner’s abdominal cavity.
- Only the Good Die Young:
October 4, 2004
Music superstar Billy Joel married his 23-year-old fiancee Saturday in a small ceremony in Long Island, New York. When asked about the nature of their relationship, the young bride explained, “I have always respected and admired Billy’s musical abilities for as long as I can remeber. In fact, when I told my mother we were engaged she informed me that I was concived to ‘Piano Man.’ Now just how perfect is that?”
- In Exotic Motorcycle News:
March 31, 2009
Dodge recently unveiled a new prototype motorcycle. Sitting on four wheels and sporting a 10 cylinder Viper engine, the machine can accelerate from 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds and has an estimated top speed of 400 miles per hour. A slightly less impressive statistic was recorded, however, when the vehicle had to stop for refueling midway through the quarter mile.
- Bare Essentials:
January 29, 2008
A German travel agency recently announced it would start taking bookings for a trial nudist day trip from the eastern German town of Erfurt to the popular Baltic Sea resort of Usedom. The 55 passengers will have to remain clothed until they board, and dress before disembarking. When asked what effect this will have on the flight one executive commented, “we expect a drastic reduction in the number of passengers wanting to swap seats– especially during the summer months.”
- Taking care of business:
November 21, 2009
The shit really hit the fan today at work, so I confronted my supervisor and told him that somebody doesn’t know how to use that new high-tech bidet they put in the men’s bathroom. - Keeping a Stiff Upper Lip:
February 13, 2003
Massachusetts Senator and potential President candidate John Kerry recently underwent surgery at John Hopkins Hospital to remove a cancerous prostate. One of the doctors involved provided an assessment of the situation. “The cancer was caught in an early stage, but the procedure is not without risk. The slightest mistake could leave the Senator as impotent as the rest of the Democratic party.”
- Wall Eyed:
Category Archives: How I Annoy People
Annoying Kristin
Since Kristin and I have been dating for a few months now, I figure it’s only fair to feature her in the “How I Annoy People” section of my web site. In all honesty I don’t remember any significant “moments” … Continue reading
Annoying Janet
This week Brian’s girlfriend Janet got added to the “People I Annoy” list. Having known each other for a couple of years now, Janet and I get along reasonably well. She has yet to invite me over to a slumber … Continue reading
Annoying Sleeping Habits
I’m just not the type of person who gets sick very often. While I can only provide anecdotal evidence on this matter, I firmly believe my good health is due to the fact I religiously adhere to the “doughnut pyramid” … Continue reading
How Qwest Annoys Me
I like to consider myself a reasonable and tolerant individual. I know the world is not a perfect place. My newspaper does not always arrive on time and occasionally my French fries are not quite as “hot out of the … Continue reading
How Do I Annoy Thee?
Perhaps it is just human nature to point out the shortcomings of other people. While I’m not a licensed psychiatrist, I do suspect I feel better about myself when I can quietly point out everyone else’s faults in life. I … Continue reading
