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About Omar
Omar Lutfey has been running this website since 2000 (back when having your own website really meant something!). He is currently working as a delivery driver at United Parcel Service, promoting energy conservation on his website at BlackRemote.com, and trying to save the Boulder Kinetics race at BoulderKinetics.com.
Categories
- Amsterdam, Holland
- Black Remote
- Boulder, Colorado
- Christmas Letters
- Divide, Colorado
- Evil Alien Overlord
- General Website
- Germany
- Getting Married
- How I Annoy People
- How I Think Things Work
- Kiddo News
- Kinetics
- Loveland, Colorado
- Multi-Media
- My Crazy Ideas
- My Skit Scripts
- My Song Lyrics
- My Videos
- New York City
- Places I've Been
- Quips
- Rampant Idealism
- Random Events
- Salt Lake City, Utah
- San Francisco, California
- Shout Outs
- Taylor, Pennsylvania
- This whole "kid" thing
- United Parcel Service
Random Quips
- In the Name of Security:
September 3, 2003
Microsoft Corporation warned on Wednesday that users of its Office software were at risk of having their computers taken over by an attacker unless they applied a patch to correct the problem. The attacker? Microsoft Corporation.
- Burning Issues:
April 4, 2009
Betty Bullock started smoking when she was seventeen and was diagnosed with lung cancer that has since spread to her liver. This week a jury awarded her $28 billion in damages after she sued Philip Morris for fraud and negligence. As a result of this court action, millions of people across the country are reconsidering the economic impact of quitting smoking.
- More Than Words:
February 11, 2003
At a Capitol Hill hearing regarding Homeland Security, FBI Director Robert Mueller reported, “the enemies we face are resourceful, merciless and fanatically committed to inflicting massive damage on our homeland, which they regard as a bastion of evil.” Later in the day the President of Iraq responded by asking the Director, “Hey, would you mind if I use that in my next propaganda speech? It has a nice ring to it.”
- Another Brick in the Wall:
June 5, 2003
Despite intense lobbying efforts by Microsoft, the city of Munich, Germany decided to stop using Microsoft Windows in favor of Linux, a popular open source operating system. In an official document explaining the situation, the government explained, “It was a tough decision to abandon the Microsoft corporation– we have the highest levels of respect for their continued attempt to take over the world.”
- 2 cute:
January 28, 2010
The Learning Channel began airing the second season of “Toddlers & Tiaras” which documents young girls in highly competitive beauty contests. “Finally, a show that caters to our unique demographic!” proclaimed all the pedophiles.
- Jack of All Trades:
May 10, 2010
Action star and martial artist Jackie Chan recently stirred up controversy with a comment that the general Chinese population “needs to be controlled.” When asked how the government should subdue a nation of 1.3 billion people, Mr. Chan replied simply, “ladders.”
- Fighting Terrorism:
September 27, 2002
Citing security concerns, officials at Pittsburgh International Airport recently dedicated a replica of a Tyrannosaurus Rex by tearing the ribbon with their hands. In a totally unrelated story, FBI agents were called to the scene when passengers boarding a flight noticed a suspicious-looking individual attempting to fit a four-foot-long pair of novelty scissors in an overhead storage compartment.
- Dough Boys:
July 1, 2003
In an effort to reduce obesity in the United States, Kraft Foods Inc, the nation’s largest food manufacturer, has announced plans to evaluate portion sizes and the nutritional content of all its products. A spokesperson for Kraft explained, “In the future, a bag of, say, Oreo cookies will be exactly the same size as before, but it will be considered 8000 individual servings.”
- Cellular Damage:
November 11, 2002
A California report that blames cell phone use in 913 highway accidents in 2001 is being revised because officials believe the figure should be about seven times higher. Governor Gray Davis returned the report to the California Highway Patrol after performing some rough calculations on his cell phone calculator on his drive to work.
- New TLC Show:
August 17, 2009
Following the success of the show, “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant,” The Learning Channel greenlighted a sister show titled, “I Thought I Was Pregnant But It Turns Out I Was Just Getting Fat Really Quickly After My Boyfriend Dumped Me And I Just Sat Around On The Couch Eating Microwave Pizza and Twinkies All Day Long Waiting For A Miricle To Occur.”
- Music Notes:
December 16, 2002
Singer David Lee Roth is suing his former Van Halen band mates. The suit alleges members of the band robbed him of royalty money through a 1996 contract with Warner Bros. When asked about the legal proceedings, Roth said, “Woooo! I’m back in the spotlight, and ready to ROCK!!!”
- Road Rage:
November 1, 2003
A car in Southhaven, Mississippi, ran a police checkpoint outside the arena where President Bush was speaking Saturday and rammed the building. “Despite the fact he was inside the structure at the time of the incident,” one republican at the scene pointed out, “the police force and secret service kept the President as secure as a Halliburton recontruction contract.”
- Chicken Little:
January 8, 2003
P.E.T.A. is currently campaigning for a general boycott of Kentucky Fried Chicken. When queried, a spokesperson for the organization stated, “They are raising chickens in a safe and sanitary environment– we are just disgusted by the continued production of annoying commercials with that fat, annoying guy from Seinfeld.”
- In High Technology:
January 9, 2003
Microsoft Corporation recently announced plans to enhance everyday objects such as watches and refrigerator magnets. These devices will provide users with up-to-date information regarding sports scores, traffic reports, and, somewhere down the road, home power outages and threats at your children’s school. When asked about this new technology, Microsoft founder Bill Gates commented, “While I’m not a psychologist, I think I wouldn’t be trying to take over the world right now if my parents received real-time text messages every time I got a wedgie in the eighth grade.”
- Pound For Pound:
January 5, 2008
Oklahoma City Mayor Mick Cornett recently challenged it’s citizens to collectively lose one million pounds through change in diet and exercise after being ranked in the top 10 of America’s Fattest Cities. After hearing the news, the two half million pound men in the front row looked at each other and asked, “That’s all great and all, but what can WE do to make things better?”
- In the Name of Security:
Category Archives: Germany
Road Trip
August 24 For the last two full days of our vacation, we decided to take a road trip with Scott’s parents. The original plan was to drive Scott’s parent’s Volvo, but the word from the repair shop was a cracked … Continue reading
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Berlin
August 20 I’m sitting on a train I am moderately convinced is heading towards Berlin. I think the uncertainty of getting on a train in another country where they don’t speak English makes the experience just a bit more exciting. … Continue reading
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Adventures in Europe
No matter how many times it happens to me, I’m never totally comfortable when I am stranded near a nuclear power plant and witness an explosion. I suspect this is a good thing. But, as usual, I’m getting ahead of … Continue reading
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