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About Omar
Omar Lutfey has been running this website since 2000 (back when having your own website really meant something!). He is currently working as a delivery driver at United Parcel Service, promoting energy conservation on his website at BlackRemote.com, and trying to save the Boulder Kinetics race at BoulderKinetics.com.
Categories
- Amsterdam, Holland
- Black Remote
- Boulder, Colorado
- Christmas Letters
- Divide, Colorado
- Evil Alien Overlord
- General Website
- Germany
- Getting Married
- How I Annoy People
- How I Think Things Work
- Kiddo News
- Kinetics
- Loveland, Colorado
- Multi-Media
- My Crazy Ideas
- My Skit Scripts
- My Song Lyrics
- My Videos
- New York City
- Places I've Been
- Quips
- Rampant Idealism
- Random Events
- Salt Lake City, Utah
- San Francisco, California
- Shout Outs
- Taylor, Pennsylvania
- This whole "kid" thing
- United Parcel Service
Random Quips
- iPhone sex app rates how well you perforn sexually…:
August 15, 2009
However, the application has led to many complaints from users saying the iPhone is either the wrong shape or that the docking port is way, way too small.
- Houston:
March 29, 2009
NASA unveiled plans on Monday to return humans to the moon by 2018 at a cost of $104 billion as recently demanded by President Bush. One anonymous member of congress commented, “I think we need to form a commission and find out who is responsible for, sometime during his latest vacation, letting our Commander-In-Chief watch Apollo 13 on DVD.”
- Jack of All Trades:
May 10, 2010
Action star and martial artist Jackie Chan recently stirred up controversy with a comment that the general Chinese population “needs to be controlled.” When asked how the government should subdue a nation of 1.3 billion people, Mr. Chan replied simply, “ladders.”
- Raising Security:
September 15, 2002
Faced with shrinking profit margins, airlines in the United States are imposing new fees to help boost their bottom line. At various airports around the country, for example, passengers going through security can pay forty dollars to walk past Federal screeners and submit to an extensive “hand search” by perky eighteen year old women in Hooters outfits.
- Business Birth:
February 18, 2004
After examining all the choices in the area, I’ve decided to start a fitness club that caters exclusively to pregnant woman, and I’m going to name the center “The OB-GYM.”
- S & Men:
May 30, 2010
“Sex and the City 2″ earned $32.1 million dollars over the three day memorial day weekend. Reports show 90% of the audience were women and the rest were men hoping to get some.
- Need for Speed:
November 15, 2002
A supercomputer in Yokohama, Japan recently claimed the number one position in the Top 500 list of the most powerful computer systems in the world. The system, which simulates climate and other aspects of the earth, consists of 640 machines connected through a high-speed network. The machine performs more than 35 trillion operations per second and only needed minor hardware upgrades when installing the latest version of Microsoft Windows.
- Dough Boys:
July 1, 2003
In an effort to reduce obesity in the United States, Kraft Foods Inc, the nation’s largest food manufacturer, has announced plans to evaluate portion sizes and the nutritional content of all its products. A spokesperson for Kraft explained, “In the future, a bag of, say, Oreo cookies will be exactly the same size as before, but it will be considered 8000 individual servings.”
- Nights at the Round Table:
October 30, 2003
North Korea has agreed, in principle, to six-way talks addressing Pyongyang’s controversial nuclear program. The complex agreement will bring North Korea, South Korea, China, Japan, Russia, and the United States together in an attempt to resolve the situation. While the details of the negotiations have not been finalized, it is widely believed the meeting will culminate in a no-holds-barred, winner-takes-all game of Chinese checkers.
- Axis of Annoyance:
December 16, 2002
Axis of Annoyance
December 16, 2002 Omar LutfeyThe latest James Bond film, “Die Another Day,” has received sharp criticism from North Korea. In one scene, Bond drives a hovercraft into the country before he is captured and tortured. After watching the movie, one North Korean official commented, “We don’t like to watch these negative images of our great country as we shamelessly copy DVD.”
- Mile High Club:
April 9, 2004
In the wake of record-high crude oil prices, one national newspaper reporter asked the President what can be done to conserve this limited resource. The Commander-in-Chief replied, “We all must do our part to conserve fuel. I, for example, have retracted my open invitation for Rush Limbaugh to travel with me on Air Force One.”
- Asset Management:
May 4, 2009
Facing Chapter 11 bankruptcy, Chrysler announced a new “Employee Pricing Plus Plus,” incentive program Tuesday. A top executive at the automaker explained how the new system works. “Not only will employee pricing be offered for the purchase of all Chrysler, Jeep, and Dodge vehicles, but for a limited time customers will also receive an actual Chrysler employee. Have them clean up the yard, help the kids with their homework, or take the dog for a walk in the afternoons. When we start up our factories again we will have the employee shipped back with no charge to the customer.”
- In Military News:
September 26, 2002
President Bush became upset with Germany this week for refusing to support the United States regarding military action against Iraq. Many Democrats in the Senate responded to the incident by stating, “You know your battle plan sucks, Mr. President, when even Germany turns down your invitation to start a war.”
- Energy Bar:
March 29, 2009
The Bush administration has taken an unusual step of asking a federal appeals court to stop a lawsuit investigating Vice President Dick Cheney’s relationship with energy industry executives and lobbyists. During the proceedings one of the lawyers explained, “this is the same government that investigated Clinton for years and couldn’t come through with the money shot. We did a much better job of covering our tracks– any further investigation would just make you look like a dumbass, your Honor.”
- Horror Story:
April 4, 2009
In a recent Los Angeles Times interview, Stephen King announced he would soon be “done with writing.” While many fans will miss King’s unique horror-genre novels, television executives have calmed a nervous public by confirming a steady stream of crappy made-for-T.V. movies will be released through the 2023 television season.
- iPhone sex app rates how well you perforn sexually…:
Category Archives: Amsterdam, Holland
Annoying Janet
This week Brian’s girlfriend Janet got added to the “People I Annoy” list. Having known each other for a couple of years now, Janet and I get along reasonably well. She has yet to invite me over to a slumber … Continue reading
Taco Bell
It’s not uncommon for a young man, overflowing with exuberant lust and apprehension, to write a love song to a woman who has captured his heart. It is very uncommon for a young man to do the same for an … Continue reading
Mom, I want to grow up and be a lounge singer
While laying on my couch the other day I experienced one of those, “What should I be doing with my life” moments. OK, to be honest, I was sleeping on my couch in the middle of the afternoon when some … Continue reading
Six Months In Amsterdam
Now that I think about it, the title sounds like a good title for a song. It would be kind of like “One Night in Bankock” but with less of a techno beat and more references to sex and drugs. … Continue reading