About Omar
Omar Lutfey has been running this website since 2000 (back when having your own website really meant something!). He is currently working as a delivery driver at United Parcel Service, promoting energy conservation on his website at BlackRemote.com, and trying to save the Boulder Kinetics race at BoulderKinetics.com.
Random Quips
- Going Down:
December 17, 2002
Still working damage control, Senator Trent Lott recently appeared on Black Entertainment Television to apologize for recent racially insensitive comments. While many viewers found his thirty-minute speech unconvincing, the Senate Republican leader generally received high marks for his introductory break-dance routine.
- Putting his finger on the problem:
November 6, 2008
My doctor’s prostate exam really left an impression on me. And by that I mean that all my poop is shaped like his finger.
- RATS!:
March 29, 2009
State and federal wildlife biologists are teaming up to eliminate rats who have, for the past 200 years, overrun a large Alaskan island uninhabited by humans. The island, known to locals as “Rat Island,” will face a multi-pronged attack that will include the use of a blood thinners to make the rats bleed to death. One official close to the operation commented, “I’m sure we can get people to live there when we can change the name from ‘Rat Island’ to ‘Dead Rat Island.’”
- Breaking the Law:
May 15, 2003
Officials in China are responding to the SARS epidemic by threatening possible execution for individuals who do not comply with quarantines and other travel restrictions. One high-ranking Texan Republican commented, “Boy, I wish we could do something like that to the Democrats right about now.”
- Devilish Numbers:
April 28, 2003
Military troops in the Middle East are on high alert because April 28, 2003 marks Saddam Hussein’s sixty-sixth birthday. Still trying to locate the former dictator, Marine ground forces are questioning all Iraqi citizens who leave grocery centers with two or more “number six” candles.
- 2 cute:
January 28, 2010
The Learning Channel began airing the second season of “Toddlers & Tiaras” which documents young girls in highly competitive beauty contests. “Finally, a show that caters to our unique demographic!” proclaimed all the pedophiles.
- Pie in the Sky:
May 12, 2004
In light of the recent Space Shuttle disaster, officials at NASA are considering sending an unmanned robot into space to perform maintenance on the fourteen year old Hubble Telescope. “The idea came to us,” one project manager reported, “after the local Chuck E Cheese closed down and the entire animatronic Pizza Time Band became unemployed.”
- Pound For Pound:
January 5, 2008
Oklahoma City Mayor Mick Cornett recently challenged it’s citizens to collectively lose one million pounds through change in diet and exercise after being ranked in the top 10 of America’s Fattest Cities. After hearing the news, the two half million pound men in the front row looked at each other and asked, “That’s all great and all, but what can WE do to make things better?”
- Chronic Pain:
August 20, 2003
Hundreds of people in England are being recruited to take Cannabis after operations. In the clinical study, 400 patients will test a Cannabis-based prototype produced by GW Pharmaceuticals to determine the drug’s effectiveness in reducing post-operative pain. The announcement of this study sent the companies stock up 7.5 percent to a two-month high. The stock then put on “Dark Side of the Moon,” ate an entire bag of nacho-flavored Doritos, and spent several hours contemplating the contours on the palm of its hand.
- Undertaking In Iraq:
July 1, 2003
President Bush recently declared that rebuilding Iraq will be a “massive and long-term undertaking.” The White House Press Secretary elaborated, “To put this in perspective, it is way more important than rebuilding our nation’s economy, but slightly less important than rebuilding the President’s re-election war chest.”
- Soft Cell:
September 7, 2010
California offically launched its controversial $3 billion stem cell research program. Robert Klien, the chairman of the operation, went on record pledging “public oversight, transparency, accountability and the highest ethical conduct” for the committee. After the news conference, calls for Klien’s resignation were put forward by the Bush administration.
- The War On Terror:
June 10, 2002
The once popular free music swapping service Napster declared bankruptcy this week. After hearing the news, officials at the Drug Enforcement Agency decided to indefinitely postpone their upcoming “Napster: The Gateway To Substance Abuse” television ad campaign.
- Taking care of business:
November 21, 2009
The shit really hit the fan today at work, so I confronted my supervisor and told him that somebody doesn’t know how to use that new high-tech bidet they put in the men’s bathroom. - Caged In:
November 26, 2002
Less than four months after getting married, Lisa Marie Presley and Nicolas Cage have filed for divorce. While Cage only issued a terse comment on the matter, Michel Jackson held an elaborate press conference where he proudly announced, “I knew that if I cranked up my freakiness she would be irresistibly drawn back to the house of Jacko. Lisa and I will remarry, and the bones of the Elephant man will be happy once again.”
- Use Your Illusions:
June 5, 2003
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer sent a memo out to all his employees critical of open source software and the companies who support it. “Complicating the situation are companies, like IBM, whose support of Linux has added an illusion of support and accountability.” The memo went on to say, “This, obviously, is in direct conflict with Microsoft’s illusion of support and accountability.”
- Going Down:
Category Archives: New York City
Escape to New York
Central Park to the north, and Times Square to the south– we had plenty of areas to explore. My first impression of Times Square: this is not the bisexual prostitute cowboy part of town I saw in that John Voight film. Continue reading
Posted in New York City
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