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About Omar
Omar Lutfey has been running this website since 2000 (back when having your own website really meant something!). He is currently working as a delivery driver at United Parcel Service, promoting energy conservation on his website at BlackRemote.com, and trying to save the Boulder Kinetics race at BoulderKinetics.com.
Categories
- Amsterdam, Holland
- Black Remote
- Boulder, Colorado
- Christmas Letters
- Divide, Colorado
- Evil Alien Overlord
- General Website
- Germany
- Getting Married
- How I Annoy People
- How I Think Things Work
- Kiddo News
- Kinetics
- Loveland, Colorado
- Multi-Media
- My Crazy Ideas
- My Skit Scripts
- My Song Lyrics
- My Videos
- New York City
- Places I've Been
- Quips
- Rampant Idealism
- Random Events
- Salt Lake City, Utah
- San Francisco, California
- Shout Outs
- Taylor, Pennsylvania
- This whole "kid" thing
- United Parcel Service
Random Quips
- One Large French Fry:
August 14, 2003
The continuing heat wave in Europe has reportedly led to 3,000 deaths in France. While neighboring countries called on military forces to help deal with the problem, France has been busy drafting a United Nations proposal asking the local climate to refrain from being so hot.
- Bare Essentials:
January 29, 2008
A German travel agency recently announced it would start taking bookings for a trial nudist day trip from the eastern German town of Erfurt to the popular Baltic Sea resort of Usedom. The 55 passengers will have to remain clothed until they board, and dress before disembarking. When asked what effect this will have on the flight one executive commented, “we expect a drastic reduction in the number of passengers wanting to swap seats– especially during the summer months.”
- Star Search:
March 9, 2004
Astronomers using the Hubble Space telescope have released the deepest-ever image of the universe using a long duration exposure that provides a glimpse of the cosmos more than 13 billion years ago. “In addition to the clouds of space dust and ice particles,” one source close to the program explained, “we have discovered a very, very, tiny image of Dick Clark helping the galaxy ring in the Big Bang.”
- Blown Away:
December 4, 2008
I’m switching Internet service providers because my wireless service didn’t work well in the wind. A cable modem should improve the overall performance, and, as a bonus, my pornography will stop showing up on my neighbor’s computer.
- Alien Encounters:
July 23, 2003
A group of scientists in Australia have concluded that the number of stars in the known universe is roughly 70 sextillion. For those unfamiliar with these types of numbers, a sextillion is the number one followed by 21 zeros (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000). In the future, however, they will be better known as a race of seductive and well-endowed aliens, at least according to erotic Star Trek fan fiction.
- The War On Terror:
June 10, 2002
The once popular free music swapping service Napster declared bankruptcy this week. After hearing the news, officials at the Drug Enforcement Agency decided to indefinitely postpone their upcoming “Napster: The Gateway To Substance Abuse” television ad campaign.
- Chicken Little:
January 8, 2003
P.E.T.A. is currently campaigning for a general boycott of Kentucky Fried Chicken. When queried, a spokesperson for the organization stated, “They are raising chickens in a safe and sanitary environment– we are just disgusted by the continued production of annoying commercials with that fat, annoying guy from Seinfeld.”
- Flights of Fancy:
August 13, 2003
The Hong Kong based Blue Box Toys company announced plans to distribute a one-foot-tall GI Joe doll of the president called “Elite Force Aviator: George W. Bush– U.S. President and Naval Aviator.” A spokesperson for the company commented, “We are excited to release this new doll, especially after the marketing department killed plans for a ‘National Guard Deserter– you can’t spell AWOL without a Dubya’ childrens toy.”
- If I Could Turn Back Time:
June 30, 2003
Hundreds of mourners passed through South Carolina’s Statehouse to pay their final respects to Strom Thurmond. Many people brought flowers and other items to leave by the coffin in a make-shift memorial. Trent Lott put all his future political ambitions down and quickly left the building.
- Stalling Repairs:
February 19, 2003
The Los Angeles School District plans to spend $10 million to repair school restrooms after a TV report showed facilities that were dirty, broken down, or even locked. While many supporters describe the action as desperately needed, a small group of California taxpayers describe the plan as little more than throwing money down the toilet.
- In School News:
September 6, 2002
Parents in Aspen, Colorado claim that plans to teach yoga violate federal rulings that bar religion in the classroom. The district’s yoga program was developed after September 11 to help make children feel safer in school. When questioned about this controversy, President Bush responded, “Before we let this issue create a division among us, we need to all sit down and listen to what the little green Muppet fella has to say.”
- Monkey Business:
May 22, 2003
Michael Jackson was briefly hospitalized after suffering what a Jackson family lawyer called a “reaction to lawsuits.” A Jackson family doctor, speaking on the condition of anonymity, reclassified the condition as a “reaction to monkey feces.”
- Bursting at the seams:
November 7, 2002
Actor and director Kevin Costner recently underwent surgery to remove his appendix. In addition to being inflamed and irritated, the organ in question cited “artistic and personal differences” when it formally requested to be removed from Mr. Costner’s abdominal cavity.
- Use Your Illusions:
June 5, 2003
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer sent a memo out to all his employees critical of open source software and the companies who support it. “Complicating the situation are companies, like IBM, whose support of Linux has added an illusion of support and accountability.” The memo went on to say, “This, obviously, is in direct conflict with Microsoft’s illusion of support and accountability.”
- For Our Next Project:
July 26, 2002
Researchers at Carnegie Mellon University built a machine designed to demonstrate basic social skills. The robot, named Grace, is a 6-foot-tall drum shaped device which communicates through a digitally animated woman’s face. While the robot’s social abilities are minimal at best, the researcher’s modest goal is to have Grace appear at least as human as Martha Stewart.
- One Large French Fry:
Category Archives: Getting Married
Thank you letters
I must say that Katherine was really on the ball when in came to keeping track of who gave us what and writing thank you letters for all the great gifts we received at our wedding in a timely manner. … Continue reading
Official Wedding Photographs
Katherine checked the mail this weekend, and in with the usual credit card applications, random advertisements, and various other justifications for keeping the US Postal service busy, we found an oversized envelope from our wedding photographer. She sent us over … Continue reading
Wedding Ceremony
I uploaded the video of our wedding ceremony up to YouTube last night. Here are they are: (YouTube restricts the length of uploads, so I split it into two seven minute clips) Part 2:
Wedding Photographs
Not much to say on this post. I’m waiting for the photographer to send me the photographs from the wedding. Angie did her job and then some– storing more than 800 images on her digital camera. Hopefully I’ll be smiling … Continue reading
Wedding Invitations
Katherine wanted to make more “traditional” wedding invitations, but I stepped in and created something much more memorable. FRONT OF INVITATION: INSIDE OF INVITATION:
12862, 11561, 67, 2465, 762, -178, 938, 1292
What are these numbers– winning lottery numbers? The numbers printed on the mysterious hatch on the television show “Lost”? The combination to my luggage? No, these were the table numbers at our wedding. Instead of starting at 1 and ending … Continue reading
Omar and Katherine Lutfey
I got the day off on Tuesday, so I decided to get a few errands taken off my to do list. I took my car to the shop to get the driver’s side power window fixed, a saw my doctor … Continue reading
The Profiler
Talking about your job is good in moderation. Just remember to keep is positive. Starting a sentence with, “My boss is such a jerk-off for the following eleven reasons…” isn’t the best way to go, even if have detailed documentation to back up your claims. Continue reading