An offshore gaming company recently stopped taking bets on the final outcome of ABC’s “The Bachelor.” Since taping the final episode, a highly disproportionate number of bets were placed for one of the two remaining candidates– leading officials to suspect the outcome of the show was leaked to the public. As a result, the company is also no longer accepting bets for previous lottery numbers, WWF Smackdowns, or the results of the 2002 midterm elections.
About Omar
Omar Lutfey has been running this website since 2000 (back when having your own website really meant something!). He is currently working as a delivery driver at United Parcel Service, promoting energy conservation on his website at BlackRemote.com, and trying to save the Boulder Kinetics race at BoulderKinetics.com.
Random Quips
- Build a Boat:
September 19, 2009
OK, brace yourself for this one– I considered making this a “6 straight jacket” project, but I figured that would just put me on a slippery slope because I would then be tempted to crank it up to “11.” The Foothills Mall in Fort Collins, Colorado, is a fairly typical indoor mall in decline. In recent years it has lost two of the four anchors, and the smaller stores have a vacancy rate of around 30% with more stores leaving at a faster rate than new ones are coming. Located in the center of Fort Collins, this piece of real estate is a prime candidate for redevelopment. But what to build? A large new commercial development on the south side of town has brought in many of the stores that would otherwise be interested in overhauling the Foothills Mall.An interesting fact about Fort Collins is it’s close proximity to the Continental Pole of Inaccessibility in North America. Stay with me, I’m going somewhere with this. First of all, you are probably thinking, “WTF is the Continental Pole of Inaccessibility in North America?” It is the location in North America farthest from any of the oceans, and technically it is located in the far southwest corner of South Dakota. Fort Collins is arguably the closest major town to this point. Sorry Cheyenne, I don’t consider you a major town. Don’t take it personally.
So what, right? Well, anyone who is interested in going on a cruise in Fort Collins has a long way to go before they take their first step on a boat. This can be quite a deterrent for many people when making vacation plans. The latest cruise ships have so many attractions aboard they have literally become a destination in themselves. This kind of brings up the question, “If there is so much to do on the ship, does it need to go anywhere for people to have a good time?” And if the answer to that question is NO, then the next question becomes, “Why don’t we just start building the ships on land and save the costs of making it float, driving it around all over the place, and cleaning barnacles off the hull every few weeks?” So let’s build a luxury cruise ship right on top of the Foothills Mall. Sears and Macy’s can stay where they are now (being anchors and all), but everything in between will look and feel exactly like a luxury cruise ship. The first floor would be rebuilt as a traditional mall that is open to the general public. The upper floors would be accessible only to the people who have booked a cruise. The entire experience of being on a luxury cruise ship would be duplicated– from the compact sleeping arrangements to the elaborate dining halls to the continuous party atmosphere. And being the first land based cruise ship, people from all over the country would travel to Fort Collins to experience the novel type of vacation.
I see this as a win-win-win situation. The city gets a ton of new construction and service jobs, the cruise ship company that builds it gets to show off their fleet to a whole new demographic, and the mall gets a face lift. I’m sure there will be some issues getting permits, financing, and few random people saying, “Let’s just do exactly the same thing we’ve been doing for the last ten years and just hope, for reasons that are not clearly evident, the mall and the surrounding area will suddenly recover through our blindly loyal inaction,” but the everyone else can rally around the new slogan I just thought of: “Let’s Get Our Ship Together!”
- Good Oil Boys:
March 29, 2009
The Army Corps of Engineers today released details regarding a controversial plan to rebuild Iraq’s oilfields once the military campaign has ended. While some members of Congress are questioning the ethics of awarding a seven billion dollar contract without competitive bidding to a company once run by Vice President Dick Chaney, the Bush administration replied, “What, did you just meet us?”
- Come on Homes:
May 2, 2010
I watched “Holmes on Homes” on HGTV last night. Mike Holmes travels to people’s houses to repair shady contractor projects gone awry. Now he can finally quit his part time job working security detail for that Dexy’s Midnight Runners tribute band. - Ice Pact:
May 5, 2010
Some 40 nations at a high-level climate meeting in Germany have made headway toward a pact to curb global warming. ”This meeting has broken the ice and one cannot overestimate the importance,” Norbert Roettgen said as the three-day conference drew to a close. ”Stop breaking the ice– I live there,” commented a polar bear in attendance. - Getting Jerked Around:
November 20, 2002
The Supreme Court recently refused to hear the case brought by William Reno Gerber. Currently serving a life sentence in a California prison, Gerber fought for the right to ship sperm to his wife. California’s state Attorney General commented about the decision, “The law recognizes that individuals who commit serious crimes forfeit many rights that law-abiding citizens enjoy. That, and none of the Supreme Court justices would touch the physical evidence presented to the court.”
- Business Birth:
February 18, 2004
After examining all the choices in the area, I’ve decided to start a fitness club that caters exclusively to pregnant woman, and I’m going to name the center “The OB-GYM.”
- Getting to the Bottom of Things:
November 13, 2002
This week the Supreme Court heard opening arguments in a dispute between Victoria’s Secret and a similarly named Victor’s Little Secret. At issue is the Federal Trademark Dilution Act passed by Congress seven years ago. Lawyers for the lingerie giant claim Victor’s Little Secret, a single Kentucky store that sells lingerie and adult-only novelties, is infringing on Victoria’s Secret trademarked name. The proceeding were delayed, however, when the Honorable Clarence Thomas opened up a Victoria’s Secrets catalog and requested several specific lingerie models meet him privately in his chambers to help him “identify with the product in question.”
- New TLC Show:
August 17, 2009
Following the success of the show, “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant,” The Learning Channel greenlighted a sister show titled, “I Thought I Was Pregnant But It Turns Out I Was Just Getting Fat Really Quickly After My Boyfriend Dumped Me And I Just Sat Around On The Couch Eating Microwave Pizza and Twinkies All Day Long Waiting For A Miricle To Occur.”
- Supporting Children:
December 4, 2002
President Bush signed into law legislation to create a new kids-safe domain on the internet. The “.kids.us” domain will contain content acceptable for children under the age of 13. When the president signed the bill, he went on record saying, “I support this child net safety law– especially after I saw that musical fella dangling his kid off a balcony in Berlin. A safety net could have really helped that poor child.”
- The War On Terror:
June 10, 2002
The once popular free music swapping service Napster declared bankruptcy this week. After hearing the news, officials at the Drug Enforcement Agency decided to indefinitely postpone their upcoming “Napster: The Gateway To Substance Abuse” television ad campaign.
- Horror Story:
April 4, 2009
In a recent Los Angeles Times interview, Stephen King announced he would soon be “done with writing.” While many fans will miss King’s unique horror-genre novels, television executives have calmed a nervous public by confirming a steady stream of crappy made-for-T.V. movies will be released through the 2023 television season.
- A Room With A View:
July 17, 2010
Condemned killer Kenneth Biros could become the first person in the country put to death with a single dose of an intravenous anesthetic instead of the usual — and faster-acting — process if his execution proceeds Tuesday. This new process is believed to be more humane than the previous method of strapping the individual into a chair and forcing them to watch old episodes of “The View” until they became bored to death.
- X Marks the Spot:
September 12, 2003
Researchers at John Hopkins have been forced to retract a highly publicized paper linking the drug Ecstasy to serious brain damage after discovering that they had actually administered a different drug to most of the animals in their study. The head researcher commented, “The problem, without going into too much detail, centered around the annual Christmas party and a rather persuasive, perky, and adventurous young female labratory assistant.”
- Island Paradise:
July 11, 2003
An unidentified British financier recently spent $40 million for an apartment space facing Central Park in New York City. After the deal was finalized, the landlord warned the new tenant, “No loud music, no drugs, or I get you arrested and someone else gets your apartment.”
- In School News:
September 6, 2002
Parents in Aspen, Colorado claim that plans to teach yoga violate federal rulings that bar religion in the classroom. The district’s yoga program was developed after September 11 to help make children feel safer in school. When questioned about this controversy, President Bush responded, “Before we let this issue create a division among us, we need to all sit down and listen to what the little green Muppet fella has to say.”
- Build a Boat: