Category Archives: My Song Lyrics

Song lyrics that I’ve written over the years for various reasons or non-reasons.

Three Dimensional Printing

The second video I submitted for the Xprize “Crazy Green Idea” describes a way to use 3D printing to print entire houses. 3D printing is a lot like 2D printing, but it prints thousands of thin layers on top of each other to create a three dimensional object in the end.

The video involved some elaborate work-arounds so that I could get various footage into my video which probably is not legally mine to distribute. For some reason, I couldn’t just pop in my DVD of “Terminator 2” and import it directly into the movie editing software.

First I played the DVD clips I wanted for my final video on my projector in the living room while I filmed it with my camcorder. Then I imported it on my computer and created the background video. Next I moved my computer so I could connect it to the projector and set up the camcorder to film the screen. Finally, I started the camcorder recording, started the background video, and then jumped up on an ottoman and read the script. For anyone wanting to turn me into the authorities, I took the introduction “The Matrix” (played forward and then backwards because I realized it wasn’t long enough), “Terminator 2”, and “The Jetsons.”

Xprize “crazy green idea”

A few months ago the people over at Xprize hosted a “crazy green idea” competition. Entries were to be two minute long videos posted on YouTube that described the goal for their next contest.

My first idea was to use wave energy from the ocean to desalinate water. I sang it roughly to the tune of the “free credit report” song. I tried synchronizing it to a guitar track of the commercial I found online, but I could never get it to sound quite right.  Maybe I was trying to sing in a different key then they were playing.  So in the end I just sang my song without any background. I threw in some colored background, music lyrics, and various images to try and keep the video as engaging as possible.


I was surfing on the Internet
And couldn’t believe my eyes
When I found out what they are planning
for the next xprize

Just make a video of
Your crazy green plan
Upload it to YouTube
And you could be the man

Let’s get some drinking water for everyone
A little clever thinking just might get it done
More than a billion people live near the sea
We just need to reduce the ocean’s salinity

Reverse osmosis can get this water pure
But it takes too much energy to be a large scale cure
Now imagine a device that pumps tap water from the sea
The best part how it’s all powered by wave energy

The waves cause distillation in chamber number one
By lowering the pressure very close to none
This vaporizes water which is what we need to do
The wave action sends it into chamber number two

The next part is to get all this pure water on to land
So it gets pumped up through a hose and up onto the sand
The whole process needs no added energy
And it will keep on pumping for all eternity

Let’s get some drinking water for everyone
A little clever thinking just might get it done
More than a billion people live near the sea
We just need to reduce the ocean’s salinity

Side note:
I watched about twenty different versions of the Free Credit Report commercials: the original commercials, parodies of the commercials, and even a few videos showing how to play the music on a guitar. My favorite parody, by far, was called “Free Sexual History Report.” Here is the video:

Another side note:

As much as I like these commercial, it turns out the company is somewhat misleading about what they do. They charge a monthly fee to keep an eye on your credit report, so I’m not sure where the “free” part comes in. However, by law anyone can get a copy of their credit report directly from the three reporting companies once a year for free. So enjoy the commercials, but if you are worried about your credit report, check out:

http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/pubs/consumer/credit/cre34.shtm

It is quite interesting to see what is on your credit report, even though the site doesn’t have any catchy music to go along with the information.

Brown Collar Song

When I was just a young boy
I didn’t know what to do
Bouncing through jobs
Drifting without a clue

Then one day my purpose became clear
I felt a few inches taller
The very first time
I wore the brown collar

So now I go door to door
Just a spreading my word
My presence is known
When I’m not seen or heard

Brown shoes brown socks
Brown shorts brown shirt
You can’t help but to stand up and holler
When you see that man in the brown collar

Some days my body gets sore
I’m only human after all
Some times that old truck breaks down
And I give a higher power a call

Some days the sky opens up
And the cold and darkness come
Quitting is not an option
My work is never done

Brown shoes brown socks
Brown shorts brown shirt
You can’t help but to stand up and holler
When you see that man in the brown collar

Strangers on a Train

Here is a song I wrote for Nick– another UPS driver who is also in a country/rock band. I came up with the idea back when I lived in Amsterdam and took the train to work every day.

You sit next to me
I tell you that’s OK
without speaking a word
nothing much to say

the smell of your perfume
as you sit there quietly
makes me wonder who you are
and if you wonder about me

I’m just a regular Joe
do you really want to know
the thoughts in my brain?
two more strangers on a train

our bodies share warmth
close as lovers lay
should I open up
or keep you at bay

time is winding down
as we race from A to B
should I act as expected
or challenge destiny?

I’m just a regular Joe (another Jane doe)
do you really want to know
the thoughts in my brain
two more strangers on a train

Doctor Who Kinetics Song

Here is a picture of Katherine and I in front of our 2007 Kinetics craft.  Why a covered wagon?  Well, the rap song we sung at the parade explained it all.  Katherine sang the first part and I sang the second part.

It started all out with my old man
An old school player doing all he can
Not much for progress, hard work was the key
But he never even heard of Manifest Destiny

But thing got ugly real quick one day
When pa came home early from bailing hay
He walked around the barn on the way to the can
Just to see us playing a little “Jack and Diane”

So he loaded up the wagon with a months supplies
Not even time for some quick goodbyes
It came to me as we walked across this land
Kids, take it from me, parents just don’t understand

So I was cruising down the prairie just me and my doll
When along came an English man six feet tall
With a long knit scarf and some curly hair
He jumped into a box that wasn’t quite there

I don’t have time to explain it all
But come with me and you will have a ball
I’ll take you to a place that’s fun and new
Cause I’m the original Doctor Who

So he brought us down to the here and now
And before we knew it he was saying chow
I’d love to stay and watch you complete the race
But I have to bounce around through time and space

So we plan to run the race in its entirety
In our 1806 S.U.V.

Taco Bell

It’s not uncommon for a young man, overflowing with exuberant lust and apprehension, to write a love song to a woman who has captured his heart. It is very uncommon for a young man to do the same for an international fast food establishment.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. For the sake of continuity, I’ll start at the beginning.

My love affair with Taco Bell started back in high school. I know I annoyed a lot of my lunch time friends by wanting to go to Taco Bell for lunch every single day. Sometimes the urge to get my hands on a fifty-nine cent bean burrito was so strong that I would totally forget the fact that I was supposed to be in Mr. Eggert’s second period algebra class. To cover my tracks, I never turned in my math homework and often times got in arguments with the teacher and said mean things about him outside of class. To this day, my parents never discovered the true reason behind my insolent behavior.

The relationship only got stronger when I went off to college. And, no, I’m not talking about my high school algebra teacher. Taco Bell franchises were located on both sides of the CSU campus. The pinnacle of my love for Taco Bell occurred when my girlfriend at the time moved into an apartment that was directly across the street from the Bell. I would ride my bicycle over to her place, get enough tacos and burritos for the both of us, and walk up the stairs to her apartment. It was an entire evening of fun for six dollars. If I only realized at the time how perfect my life was back then, I wouldn’t have let it change so drastically. *Sigh*.

Well, back to the story. I finished up with college and my girlfriend and I went on to get a job in my slice of the real world. I was molded into a computer geek which gave me the financial resources to eat fast food at will. In retrospect, I suspect I started to take it for granted. Taco Bell was always there for me and I no longer had to sacrifice anything to enjoy it. But gone too was the anticipation of another reunion. The fire burned less brightly.

Everything changed in 1999 when the company I worked for at the time decided to send me to work in Amsterdam for six months. I moved everything I owned into storage and got on an airplane with nothing more than a backpack and two suitcases. When I got there I quickly discovered some shocking facts about world travel. The weather in other parts of the world is not comparable to Colorado, the customs officials don’t care what you bring into Holland, and, most importantly, Taco Bell is not keeping up with other fast food establishments in their plans for world occupation. During the worst of my withdrawal period, I wrote the following song expressing my feelings:

“Taco Bell, Village of the Damned”

Here is the story that I’ve got to tell
About my favorite place to go and eat– its called Taco Bell

One day I got on a plane and flew across the sea
Unaware of the fate awaiting me
You see they have BK and they have Mickey Dee’s,
But Taco Bell has still yet to be.

So now I’m a long way from home and I just don’t see
That plastic tacky bell calling out to me

Taco Bell, you’re my water in the sand
Taco Bell, the franchise promised land
Taco Bell, you’re my favorite one night stand
Taco Bell, the village of the damned

And so I just can’t sleep at night
Knowing that I’m a world away from that
drive through open twenty-four hour culinary delight

Despite the obvious pain of being away from something so near and dear to my heart, I survived my trip to Holland and came back to Colorado with a deeper and more mature understanding of my relationship with Taco Bell. We started off young and giddy-wanting to be together every day and talking to each other until all hours of the night about anything and everything that came to mind. Things cooled down a bit after that, and the shock of moving half way around the world from her put everything in perspective. These days I take comfort in knowing that when I’m having a bad day I can invite her over, make a big bowl of popcorn, and watch a movie on the couch with my arm around her. We have known each other for so long that we don’t need words to communicate. Taco Bell will always be there for me.