Frodo comes in the front door, picks up the ring from the floor and walks over to Gandolf.
The wizard looks at the young hobbit and in a grave voice states, “Frodo, this ring is a source of unimaginable evil. You must take the ring to the fires of Mount Doom—the only place where it can be destroyed. It will be a dangerous mission, but the fate of all Middle Earth is in your hands. I won’t lie to you, Frodo Baggins—you may not survive this torturous journey.”
Frodo looks down at the ring in his hands and back at Gandolf. He gets a big smile on his face and says, “Gandolf, you silly old man. We live in Middle Earth, but that doesn’t mean we must live in the Middle Ages. There is a much easier way.”
Frodo walks over to Bilbo’s office and sits down at a modern-day computer. He starts typing and using the mouse. A moment later a piece of paper comes out of the printer. It is a UPS label addressed to “Mount Doom, Middle Earth” with a note on the top “Delivery instructions: Please deposit this package in the fire pit of Mount Doom (no signature required)”.
Frodo puts the ring in an envelope and applies the UPS label. He walks out of Bag End and looks around. He sees a UPS drop box on the other side of the path and casually walks over to it and deposits the letter.
“Now, Gandolf, lets celebrate with some of that fine shire weed.”
“My dear Frodo Baggins, you are full of surprises.” Gandolf laughed gently as he started loading up the pipe.
A few hours later a UPS truck drives up to the drop box. A driver gets out of the truck and looks at the address on the envelope and gets a resigned look on his face. He reaches for his cell phone and dials a number.
“Hey hon, I’m going to be late…. Yes, I know it’s our anniversary, but I have to go make one last delivery that’s out of my way… Yes… yes… Of course I’ll make it up to you… I know… I’ve got to go now… ok… bye.”
The driver gets back in his truck and drives away. Next it is seen driving by the celebration honoring Bilbo and Frodo’s birthday. Eventually the truck gets to the edge of the shire. It keeps going out of the shire without stopping. The condition of the road keeps getting worse. He makes a right turn and heads straight up a snow covered mountain pass. Eventually the snow is too much and the truck gets stuck in the snow. The driver puts on his jacket, grabs the letter and a backpack, and gets out on foot. He crosses the rest of the pass on foot.
Eventually he comes to the mine and enters it. He is oblivious to the dead bodies that litter the floor. He reaches into his backpack and pulls out a flashlight to guide his way. As he is going through the mines Orcs are shooting arrows at him that miss his head by inches.
When he exits the mine, he sees Mount Doom in front of him. He starts up the mountain with a renewed enthusiasm. He gets to the top and stands at the edge. Right before he throws the package into the fire a strange creature jumps in front of the driver and grabs the envelope.
“My precious!” Gollam shouts. He squats at the driver’s feet trying to get the envelope opened.
“Hey, that doesn’t belong to you!” The driver yelled. He tried to get the envelope back but Gollam wouldn’t let go.
The driver looked around to see if anyone else was watching. He then kicked Gollam, the envelope, and the ring into the fire pit. He looks down at Gollam and yells, “what can brown do for you, bi-otch?”
As the drive walks away he picks up his cell phone starts ringing. “Yeah, I’m done… I don’t know, whatever you want to do is fine. No, everything went okay. See you soon.”