Omar Lutfey at newfunny.com

"Reading newfunny.com is more fun than apologizing for off-the-cuff racist comments."

Trent Lott

About Omar Lutfey (the guy who runs this site):

Hello, my name is Omar Lutfey-- yes, I run this web site, and here is some random information about who I am.


Let's give Omar a big hand for putting together such a wonderful website!	On most days I'm not wearing a tuxedo, but when the situation warrants, I can suit up just fine.

I'm a delivery driver in Northern Colorado. What does this mean?

First of all, I'm pretty active since I'm running around town in a big brown truck 45 hours a week. I have a nice tan, except for the fact that my feet are totally white from my socks. I'm in good shape, except my love for Taco Bell means I have a few extra pounds to deal with. Finally, I have a habit of droning on about work related stories, but I'm currently getting counseling and electro-shock therapy to keep it under control.

I'm a writer. Not the kind that had made any money, but I keep plugging away at it. My goal is to get one of my stories on Saturday Night Live or Mad TV.

What else do I do? I'm currently building an entry for next years Kinetics Race in Boulder. Once I get my hands on some welding equipment and some industrial grade marine Styrofoam I'll be 80 percent finished.

I also like to play pool, ride my motorcycle, and meet new people. I'm very outgoing when I'm working, but more quiet and reserved when I go out socially. For some reason the UPS uniform gives me special powers-- I can park where ever I want, ask random questions of total strangers, and of course run to the front of the line at any business without anyone getting mad. I want to meet someone who has goals in life, but can also kick back and enjoy themselves. Someone strong enough to stand on their own but willing to ask for help when needed.

Where I've been:

Click on the pictures to see full size image


	AUSTRIA Here I am in a small town in the middle of the Alps.

	BELGIUM This is the train station in Antwerp, Belgium. That little guy in the middle is me.

	BOULDER Want to know where I live? This is a close up of the metal light fixture thingie on the ceiling of my apartment.

	FRANCE This is the "back yard" at one of the many Chateaux found in France.

	GERMANY You have to love the band "Right Said Fred"--at least according to the laws in Berlin.

	HAWAII I spent a week in Hawaii in March 1998. I can't think of very many things that are more relaxing than watching the sun set while sitting in the hot tub.

	INDIANAPOLIS My friend Tina is showing off my car as we get ready to leave the infield if the Indianapolis Motor Speedway to head back to Colorado.

	LUXEMBOURG I visited Luxembourg in January 1999. Not a bad little country. They seem to like to build a lot of bridges.

	PARIS My sister and her extensive shadow are posing in front of the main entrance to the Louvre in Paris.

Other websites I've designed:

In addition to the newfunny.com website, I also have put together several other websites for various causes.

My work includes the following sites:

Habitat For Humanity, Boulder, Colorado
In addition to working at the Habitat construction site (when I can get up that early), I am also in charge of running the web site and taking action photographs with my digital camera.

Lutfey Designs
This site demonstrates what services I provide through my web design company. If you are in need of a small to medium sized web site, please check it out.

Relogreeley.com
Anyone interested in Real Estate in Northern Colorado should check out this site.

ADDITIONAL STORIES
Most Recent: 2007 Christmas Letter UPS Super Bowl Commercial IGF 3000 2006 Christmas Letter Virgin Kinetics Guidebook Parade Skit Kinetics: In The Beginning	Most Read: Xmas Party Story Entertainment of the Future 1997 Christmas Letter Ode to Mr. Squishy Ball Adventures in Europe Annoying Janet Men and Women

ADVENTURES IN SPACE

Chapter 1

Omar Lutfey

The First Lieutenant walked briskly over to the Captain’s sleeping quarters. Stopping a meter or so in front of the entrance, the Lieutenant examined the fine detail of the door. The planks of cherry wood showed their age with small cracks starting at the top and bottom and gradually working their way to the center of the door. The sturdy, oversized brass hinges kept the door in place despite the inevitable color change as the process of oxidation changed the chemical composition of the metal. The large ring of solid steel that served as a knocking device gave the door an imposing presence.

All of this would have been perfectly normal on an eighteenth century three masted schooner bravely sailing across the Atlantic ocean defending the colonial interests of the British empire. However, this ship was a twenty fourth century science vessel designed to function in the near vacuum of space.

Complete Story >>

RANDOM STORY HIGHLIGHTS
Chapter 2 Facial hair considerations.... The Captain sat in his chair and slowly stroked his chin with his thumb and index finger. He was trying to decide if he would look better if he grew a goatee. He eventually decided that it might improve his appearance, but he was not in the mood to go through the itchy stubble phase. Next he had to decide what to do about the anomaly. Complete Story >>	Taco Bell Lyrics to Taco Bell Song.... Here is the story that I've got to tell About my favorite place to go and eat-- its called Taco Bell One day I got on a plane and flew across the sea Unaware of the fate awaiting me You see they have BK and they have Mickey Dees, But Taco Bell has still yet to be. So now I'm a long way from home and I just don't see That plastic tacky bell calling out to me Taco Bell, you’re my water in the sand Taco Bell, the franchise promise land Taco Bell, your my favorite one night stand Taco Bell, the village of the damned And so I just can't sleep at night Knowing that I'm a the world away from that drive through open 24 hours culinary delight Complete Story >>
Year In Review newfunny sit-com.... I thought now would be a good time to stop and examine what I’ve accomplished over the past year. To achieve this goal, I’ve chosen the standard “situation comedy flashback” idiom. Let the dog out, grab a soda, and get comfortable before the show starts. Complete Story >>	Moving Excitement How to move.... One of the keys to a successful move is to be disciplined and organized. Unfortunately for me, both of these attributes were permanently damaged in a prepubescent winter sledding accident. Complete Story >>

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Sent by: Rose on June 10, 2004 :

i am looking for your detailed instructions on how to make a watermelon bra. I have to play a south sea islander in a play--and I was going to wear a coconut bra but they dont come in DD. where are these alleged instructions?
Coconuts are only to be used for pre-teens and anorexic supermodels. Complete instructions will be made available when my own personal Kinetics craft is finished.

More Letters to the Editor>>

Send a letter to the editor:

RANDOM QUIPS
The War On Terror June 10, 2002 Omar Lutfey The once popular free music swapping service Napster declared bankruptcy this week. After hearing the news, officials at the Drug Enforcement Agency decided to indefinitely postpone their upcoming “Napster: The Gateway To Substance Abuse” television ad campaign. More Quips >>	In Military News September 26, 2002 Omar Lutfey President Bush became upset with Germany this week for refusing to support the United States regarding military action against Iraq. Many Democrats in the Senate responded to the incident by stating, "You know your battle plan sucks, Mr. President, when even Germany turns down your invitation to start a war." More Quips >>
Wall Eyed October 20, 2003 Omar Lutfey China's first man in space said the Earth looked beautiful from his orbiting capsule but he couldn't find the Great Wall. "I tried to see it," Yang Liwei told reporters, "but when I booked the flight I could only get an asile seat. The gentleman next to the window closed the blind so he could take a nap." More Quips >>	Hot Potato September 29, 2003 Omar Lutfey A 6-foot tall, 150-pound Mr. Potato Head statue once used by the Rhode Island Tourism Division was stolen Friday from the driveway of a private home in Newport, Rhode Island. After hearing the news, the search for a 6-foot tall letter "E" was initiated by former Vice President Dan Quayle. More Quips >>

THE NEWSLETTER
Well, you've gotten down to the bottom of the page, so you must be enjoying yourself here at newfunny.com. Why not sign up for the official newfunny.com newsletter? It is run through TOPICA.COM, so it is easy to manage, and best of all, its free! So, to get all the wonderful content of this site delivered right into your Inbox, just type in your email address and click on the "submit" button.

STORY ARCHIVES

By Series:

Animations:

Animated Stories (4)

By Author:

Other: