As we approach the Autumnal Solstice, new automobile models are being released along with a seemingly equal number of automobile racing video games. Every title these days is infinitely better than last year’s version: more tracks, more cars, and new forced feedback so realistic that serious crashes WILL give you full body bruising, internal organ damage, and life threatening concussions. Don’t get me wrong– all of this is great, but the next advance, in my humble opinion, will be when Google introduces their new World Racing Interface.
You see, Google has been busy photographing every square inch of the planet for the past few years. It started out with satellite images free for public viewing. Then they started driving around specially equipped vehicles that take high definition images every three feet and magically stitch them together so it actually feels like you are standing in front of your ex-girlfriend’s house for hours on end without police officers asking you to please remove your night vision goggles and produce a valid form of identification.
So in the near future, Google will use some type of wizard’s spell to access this four (insert made up word to represent some really really big number)-byte and counting map of the world. So now instead of just being able to race on a few tracks, you can go anywhere in the world– literally. Wait– maybe not exactly literally, but more of a symbolic literal manner. Sure, racing through the streets of downtown Seattle is fun for a while, but how about building your own race track through your own part of town? Wouldn’t that just kick some ass? Bond with your neighbors with a networked racing league. Just don’t take that last corner too fast or you could end up running into your own living room. And we all know if that happens you die in real life. No, that’s the Matrix.
The possibilities are endless. Who wants to recreate “Cannonball Run”? Or even “Cannonball Run 2”? How about “Smokey and the Bandit 2”? Just make sure you go to the bathroom before the race starts. And, for those who lack direction AND ambition you can just drive around with no particular destination. Enjoy the scenery of driving I-80 across Nebraska. The world is your oyster. Oyster has no cash value.
So, Google, you have your orders: get this new project up and running. I’m all ready to stay home and see the world. (while I’m drinking soda and eating nacho favored corn chips, of course.)
And Google, I know you Google yourself, and since I’ve used the world Google almost a dozen times now, I’m sure someone is going to see this on their Google Alert, so don’t pretend like you didn’t hear about it. I would like to see a beta version by the end of the year.